SHFWire reporter Emily Wilkins got in the election spirit Monday night and penned this verse before leaving for Richmond Tuesday to cover Democratic Senate candidate Tim Kaine’s election night party. With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore:
T’was the day before elections and all through the land/ The TVs were humming with super PAC ads
The ballots were put near the boxes with care / In hopes new voter ID laws would be successful there
The children were nestled all snug in their beds / Trying to get “Bronco Bama” and Romney out of their heads
So with one eye on twitter and one on CNN / I prepared for the polling results to come in
No matter the outcome there would be clatter / With parties so divided and fearing disaster
College costs and Obamacare, Israel and Iraq / “Forty-seven percent!” “You didn’t build that!”
But there would be some relief from this two-year saga / Filled with passion, stupidity and drama
The primary had dragged as candidates dropped / 9-9-9, cut the Fed, and that ill-fated “oops”
But a challenger did finally emerge / Though there was no sign of his tax returns
10k bets and two Cadillacs Romney did weather / Obama seemed to coast singing “Let’s Stay Together”
And from Citizens United the outpouring came / Of big money donors to the election game
And dark money groups with mysterious backings / Began to send once-thought front-runners packing
“Now Clooney! Now Koch! Now Adelson! Now Trump! Keep fueling campaigns with your big money dumps!”
“To Crossroads, To Priorities, To Majority PAC! Just pretend like the candidates won’t owe you one back.”
Romney was lagging, there was no denyin’ / so for his veep pick he went with Paul Ryan
The president in turn seemed quite out of line / Did he truly believe the private sector was fine?
A hurricane in Tampa? Republicans would fare/ Until Clint Eastwood started talking to an empty chair.
In Charlotte it would seem the win would be quick / As Clinton explained with his arithmetic
But the economic recovery remained at a crawl / and at the first debate Obama wasn’t there at all.
But the president bounced back as tension grew higher / and everyone learned what Romney has in his binders
The Romney voters have made it quite clear / They could not tolerate another four years.
“Our economy’s stagnant! Gas prices are high!” / “But we got Bin Laden!” Democrats replied.
Some of the Dems were nearly in tears. “Romney will send us back fifty-some years!”
“He might like Michigan’s tree height (what? How absurd)” / “But he’ll wage war against women and gays and Big Bird.”
Congress is gridlocked. The fiscal cliff’s looming / Voter say they need a leader to get Washington moving
But if we didn’t have Obama, would things be the same? / Or would we be in more trouble if we went with McCain?
Once every four years we find ourselves meandering / In campaigns and politics and name-calling and pandering.
But some will wear their “I VOTED” stickers with pride / And mention Democracy’s at least still alive.